Safe Space (Book 1) Read online

  Table of Contents

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Prologue

  Chanel

  I looked down over the hotel roof’s ledge. “Fifteen...fourteen...thirteen…” I counted down from the roof level I was currently standing on. Behind me, I could hear the laughter and music from inside the sliding glass door. I doubted anyone had missed me yet as I stared down at the fourteen-karat diamond ring that, with each passing day, felt more like a noose around my neck. With my other hand, I began twirling the ring around my finger, as I continued counting each level down.

  Yup, exactly fifteen floors down.

  I glanced back over my shoulder just in time to see my father pat Ethan on his shoulder, surely, welcoming him into the fold. I swallowed deeply, refusing to let out the shuddering breath that would’ve undoubtedly led to a sob. What should’ve been one of the happiest occasions of my life felt instead like just another night in a long string of nights in my life where I was left on the outside looking in, silently begging for the affection of the man who’d helped create me. I should’ve learned long ago that wasn’t about to happen, I thought, turning back to glance up at the night sky. I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply. Moments like this is when I needed my best friend, Gabby, but she wasn’t taking my phone calls.

  With good reason.

  “I guess congratulations are in order.”

  Despite my doleful mood, a shiver ran down my spine as that voice, which always sounded like it was dipped in something hard yet sweet, reached my ears. Turning, I observed Xavier in his navy blue tailored suit that looked like home against his rich chestnut skin. The dimple on his left cheek peeked out teasingly as he gave me a half-grin.

  “Th-thank you,” I tried desperately to sound like I meant it.

  “I know I’m a little late, but I wanted to personally congratulate the woman of the hour. You’re going to make a beautiful bride.”

  Spinning on my six-inch stilettos to fully face him, I eyed him suspiciously. It only took a second to conclude he was sincere. “Thank you, Xavier. That means a lot,” I stated, taking a glance over his shoulder to the engagement party that was supposedly held in my honor. My fiancé, father, and now brother were continuing to chum it up. I cut my eyes back to glare at the man in front of me.

  “Shouldn’t you be in there with them?” I jutted my head to the room behind him.

  He pivoted to look over his shoulder, before turning his dark brown eyes back on me. Slowly his eyes trailed up my body, taking in my perfectly manicured toes in these strappy heels and navy blue strapless jumpsuit that hugged every single one of my curves like a glove. I’d decided to go simple on the jewelry, wearing a string of pearls that had belonged to my mother and a matching bracelet that was a gift. My natural hair had been put into a high puff, leaving a few tendrils of curls falling. He observed me as if looking for the answer to a question only I knew. I steeled my face, not wanting to give away any of what had just been on my mind.

  “Nah, I’m good here.” He inclined his head toward me, stepping closer. “How’s D.C.? You still studying for the bar?” he asked.

  I exhaled, relieved he hadn’t picked up on my sour mood. “D.C. is...hectic. And yep, the exam is exactly one month and two weeks away,” I informed him, surprised he even knew I was studying to take the test.

  He brought his glass of champagne to his lips, and I had to avert my gaze. “First law school graduation, then the bar exam, and in three months, a wedding. You’re a busy woman.”

  “Too busy,” I mumbled.

  “What was that?” he asked, eyebrow raised in curiosity.

  “Nothing. How’s the rest—?”

  “Chanel!”

  My entire body stiffened at the inflection in Ethan’s voice. I swallowed what I’d been about to say to Xavier, and looked over his shoulder to see my fiancé stepping out of the sliding glass door, giving me a too familiar look. My heartbeat doubled, and I unwittingly took a step back, wanting to put as much space between Xavier and me as possible.

  “Ethan, you remember Xavier, Jason’s friend.”

  Ethan glared at the back of Xavier’s head before turning dark eyes on me. I had to force myself not to visibly shrink as he stalked toward me, wrapping an arm around my waist.

  Xavier took another sip of his champagne, giving Ethan the once-over, but his face remained neutral. “I was giving Chanel my congratulations.”

  Ethan looked down at me. “Is that right? Well, thanks, man. We’re very excited to make this thing official,” he remarked, and pressed a kiss to my cheek.

  I gave him a stiff smile.

  “I’m sure, but I was referring to her recent graduation. Georgetown Law ain’t no joke. You should be proud of yourself.” He turned smiling eyes on me.

  Reluctantly, I remained silent, my eyes looking anywhere but at Xavier, although the compliment made me want to stand a little taller. At least somebody was happy for me.

  “Yeah, my baby is smart. But her law degree won’t do nothing but sit on the shelf in our bedroom once we’re married,” Ethan stated, firmly. “My wife won’t be working.”

  The pit in my stomach grew at hearing those words. Not a question of whether or not I wanted to work. I swallowed down any rebuttal I could’ve mustered as I felt Xavier’s look of surprise on me. I knew what he was thinking. We were just discussing my studying for the bar exam. Why would I need to study if I was going to be Ethan’s stay-at-home wife? Good question. One I hadn’t been able to answer, so I remained silent, plastering what I hoped was a convincing smile on my face, as I felt Ethan looking down at me.

  “I think Jason and Chanel’s pops were in there looking for you,” Ethan explained to Xavier.

  Ethan’s dismissal of Xavier wasn’t lost on anyone.

  “Is that so?” He glanced over his shoulder. “I need to get up with Jason anyway. See y’all later.” He nodded at Ethan and gave me one last look before turning and leaving.

  I exhaled, saddened yet relieved by his retreat.

  “Let’s go.” Ethan grabbed my arm, none too gently, pulling me toward the glass doors, presumably to rejoin the party. Ethan’s mood told me the end of this night was not going to be pretty.

  ****

  “You fucking him?”

  I jumped as the door to our hotel room slammed shut. Wishing I could just be swallowed up whole by the floor, I kept my back to Ethan and inhaled deeply.

  “I asked you a fucking question, Chanel,” he said through gritted teeth.

  Turning to look my fiancé in the eye, I answered, “Of course not, Ethan.” I tried to keep my voice level, in hopes of calming him down, but the look in his eyes told me I could give that pipe dream up.

  “Then why the fuck was he out there looking at you like that? Why he always in your Goddamn face? And don’t give me any shit about him just wanting to give no fucking congratulations!”

  “But that’s all it was. Xavier has been Jason’s friend since they were teens
. He’s practically a part of the family. He owns businesses in D.C. he checks on, which is why he came by the apartment that one time.” I’d told Ethan this over and over before. It was the God’s honest truth. Xavier probably looked at me as no more than his best friend’s kid sister. Hell, my father treated Xavier more like his child than he did me.

  “But he ain’t family! So why the fuck was he all in your damn face tonight?” Ethan’s voice rose an octave as he moved closer to me.

  When I attempted to step back, I bumped up against the couch behind me.

  “Ethan, he just wanted to congratulate me—”

  “On graduating from law school. Georgetown ain’t no joke,” he mimicked Xavier’s words from earlier. “Yeah, I fucking heard him. Who the hell comes to an engagement party and congratulates someone on graduating from school and not their goddamn engagement?”

  “Well, I did just graduate law school,” I retorted, in a rare act of defiance. As soon as the words were out of my mouth, the stinging from Ethan’s backhand radiated across my right cheek and down my face, spreading throughout the rest of my body. Shakily, I brought my hand up, cupping my injured cheek.

  “Say some more smart ass shit,” Ethan dared, now towering above me as I slumped against the arm of the couch.

  “I…I was just saying that I haven’t seen him in months since before I graduated. I’m sure he came out to congratulate both of us on our engagement,” I attempted to diffuse Ethan’s anger.

  “What the fuck ever, Chanel. Look, I don’t like that dude being all up in your face. Stay the hell away from him, or it’s gonna be a problem. Am I making myself clear?” he questioned, jabbing my forehead with his pointer and middle fingers.

  “Y-yes.” My voice came out a little more than a whisper, but it was enough to satisfy Ethan.

  He stepped back, looking satisfied for now. “I’m gonna get in the shower. Pack up; our flight leaves early tomorrow,” he ordered, walking into our hotel’s bedroom.

  My shoulders slumped in relief as he left the room. I had been hoping this trip wouldn’t turn into a total shit-fest, but apparently, that’s not how my life worked. Ethan had been pissed since we’d left D.C. over yet another argument he’d had with his father, who’d been too busy working to attend our engagement party. Once we’d finally arrived, my father had spent the majority of the last three days cavorting with Ethan to convince me to turn down my job offer from a prestigious law firm in D.C. and begin popping out babies soon after we got married.

  “Why the hell do you need to work? Your trust fund alone ensures you never have to work, and with Ethan ready and willing to provide everything for you, why would you even want to work? Your mother would want you to be a stay-at-home mother like her, anyway.”

  His words spoken over our lunch the day before echoed in my mind as I rubbed my throbbing cheek. I shook my head, remembering how it’d taken every bit of me not to pick up my glass of water and toss it in his face. I knew for a fact he was one hundred percent wrong. My mother would not want me to be like her. She’d told me as much, not long before she died. I shut my eyes just thinking about my mother. My father obviously didn’t know the real her, and he clearly didn’t know the real me either. I looked toward the bedroom. No, he didn’t know shit about me or my relationship. And neither did he care.

  I waited until I heard the shower turn on before standing and moving toward the bedroom. In the huge bedroom of our suite, I began pulling clothes out of the closet and dressers and placing them in our respective suitcases. Once done with that, I began removing the pearls I’d worn to place them back into the necklace holder my mother had used. I removed the beautiful white double pearl bracelet. It had been a gift from Ethan after yet another time he’d lost his temper. Removing the bracelet, I stared at my wrist, rubbing the skin marred by a yellow and purple bruise. This one was about a week old. I surmised it would disappear within the next three to four days. I’d become very familiar with the healing process of bruises over the last two-and-a-half years.

  “You all packed up?”

  Startled, I jumped at Ethan’s words behind me. I hadn’t even heard the shower turn off. I stared up at the mirror to see him with only a towel around his waist. His almond colored skin shone with wetness from his shower. His stomach muscles rippled and bulged as he walked closer to me. I raised my gaze to his handsome face, the lower half covered by a neatly trimmed goatee, his cheeks covered in a handful of freckles. When I gazed into his hazel eyes, I could tell he wanted something. He took a step closer, smacking me on the ass.

  “You look like you’re gaining weight. All that eating out.” He smacked my ass again, making it jiggle. He stepped closer, placing his hands on each side of my waist. “You need to do something about that. My wife ain’t gonna be as big as an elephant, not even after we have kids.”

  I swallowed, not saying anything. The truth is, I had gained weight over the last few months. The pressure from completing law school, followed by weeks of grabbing fast food on my way to or from the library as I studied for the bar was beginning to show up. I was never a particularly skinny woman to begin with, and Ethan knew the words to say to make me feel as insecure as he wanted me to.

  “You finished packing?” he murmured low in my ear.

  “Yes.”

  “You got all my ties and shit right? Last time you left my favorite tie at the hotel,” he said while his hand found the zipper to my jumpsuit and began sliding it down.

  “Yes, Ethan. I need to go take a shower.” Despite his apparent issue with my weight, the poking in my backside alerted me that at least one part of him wasn’t turned off. But that was the absolute last thing I wanted to do right now.

  “You can take a shower later,” he insisted, sliding the top half of my jumpsuit down to my waist.

  “Ethan, I don’t—”

  “Don’t what?” his voice hardened, daring me to refuse him.

  I clamped my mouth shut, lowering my gaze, not wanting to endure another incident that night. I’d learned to pick my battles over the years, and this was one I didn’t have the energy to fight. I was tired.

  Could I live like this? I asked myself as he slid my jumpsuit all the way down my legs, and his hands snaked their way inside the seam of my lace panties. I closed my eyes and forced my body to relax into his.

  It’ll be over soon enough, I consoled myself as he maneuvered the rest of my clothing off and pulled me toward the bed.

  ****

  As I lay on the bed listening to Ethan’s light snores, I felt disgusted. More disgusted than I’d ever been in my life. Hours ago, I was at this same hotel a few floors up, supposedly celebrating my impending wedding with my closest family and friends. Not one of them had mentioned my recent law school graduation or the upcoming bar exam, except Xavier. I would say I’d never felt so alone in my life, but that’d be a lie. Sitting up carefully, to not wake Ethan, I grabbed my cell phone off the dresser, tiptoed my way out to the living room, and then the balcony. Lighting up my phone, I went to my contacts list and scrolled. I had no idea who or what I was looking for. I just wanted someone I could talk to right then. My thumb paused over a name I hadn’t talked to in over six months. My eyes blurred, remembering our last conversation.

  “Why the hell don’t you just leave him?” she yelled at me. I’d never seen her so upset.

  “Because I love him and he said he wouldn't do it again!” I’d exclaimed.

  “Right, just like he said the last time, and the time before that, and the time before that, right?!”

  I turned, staring at the cars passing as we stood outside the café we frequented for lunch. I couldn’t say anything. Gabby was right. Ethan had promised more times than I could count that he’d never hit me again. And for months, he wouldn’t until he did.

  “Look, Chanel. I know you’re scared. Afraid of what your dad will say, afraid of failure, but look.” She paused. “Just come with me. Come with me to L.A. There are plenty of law firms out there. You’d
have no problem finding a job. You could start over.”

  My eyes watered at the pleading in her voice. She was begging me. Trying to save me, and that pissed me off. “I’m not your mother,” I snarked, regretting the words as soon as they fell from my mouth.

  Her eyes widened as if I’d just smacked her. “Really, Chanel?”

  “Gab, I’m sorry.”

  She held up her hand. “Whatever. Are you coming to L.A. with me or not?”

  I paused. “I can’t, Gabby. My life is here.”

  It was her turn to look out on the passing cars. I could see the sheen of tears in her eyes. “Then I can’t be friends with you.”

  Those words were like a punch to the gut. I sucked in air, trying to understand what she was saying. “Just because I won’t move to L.A, you can’t be friends with me?”

  “No, this has fuck all to do with what city you live in, and you know it.” She looked me right in my eye as she let a tear fall. “You’re right. You’re not my mother. But if you stay with him, you will be just like her, and I can’t stand by and watch another person I love killed by someone who claims to love them.” Her voice broke like shattered glass at the last word.

  She suddenly grabbed me, squeezing me in the tightest hug, and before I could even respond, she stepped back, kissed me on the cheek, turned and walked away.

  That was the last time we’d spoken. Gabby’d let all my calls go to voicemail and my emails went unanswered. But as my thumb hovered above the word “Bestie” in my phone list, I knew I needed the one person whom I trusted with my life right now.

  “H-hello?” Her voice was raspy, full of sleep.

  My eyes watered and my knees buckled as I slid down the wall of the balcony. A sob broke free, but I quickly covered my mouth with my hand, not wanting Ethan to hear me.

  “Chanel, what’s wrong?” Gabby’s voice was full of panic, but I couldn’t answer her.

  Every attempt I made to speak just ended up in a sob. Tear after tear fell from my face. I sniffed, trying to regain control of my emotions, but it was useless. The dam had finally broken.

  “It’s okay. Let it out,” my best friend soothed on the other end of the phone.